Self compassion: Ramah pada diri sendiri

imsis216-080Di tulisan-tulisan lain tentang compassion sebelumnya kita membahas bagaimana sikap dan praktek welas asih kepada orang di sekeliling kita; pada rekan kerja atau, atasan untuk dapat dapat meningkatkan kualitas hubungan, melatih jiwa dan pikiran kita untuk berbuat kebaikan. Tapi apakah kita sudah cukup baik dan hangat pada diri kita sendiri? Kalau kita dianjurkan dan dapat berwelas asih pada orang lain, mengapa tidak untuk diri sendiri? Karena kadang kita membutuhkannya.

Banyak ahli psikologi sepakat bahwa self-compassion sangat bermanfaat bagi kita, terutama saat-saat menghadapi masa sulit. Self-compassion adalah rasa hangat dan pengertian yang kita berikan pada diri kita sendiri ketika kita menderita, gagal, atau merasa sesuatu tidak sesuai ahrapan. Seperti perlakuan pada orang lain; dengan penuh perhatian dan pengertian, dukungan, sikap memaafkan, begitupula seharusnya kita lakukan pada diri kita sendiri. Salah satu ahli yang mengusung self-compassion adalah Kristin Neff, peneliti dan dosen dari University of Austin at Texas. Baginya sederhana; masa kita berusaha mengasihi orang lain tapi tega memberikan harsh, cruel judgement untuk diri kita sendiri?

Ada tiga elemen self-compassion yang ditunjukkan oleh Ness, yakni self-kindness, common human, dan mindfullness (Neff, Kirkpatrick, & Rude, 2007). Bila kita menyadari dan memanfaatkan ketiga elemen ini, ia dapat memberikan manfaat terutama saat kita menghadapi masa sulit. Hal yang sama juga bisa gunakan untuk dan membangun kesadaran rekan2 kerja kita saat mereka mengalami hal sulit serupa.

Elemen self-kindness dari self-compassion menyarankan bahwa kita perlu santai pada diri kita sendiri dan secara aktif menenangkan diri kita. Elemen self-kindness memungkinkan kita mencegah self-criticism saat mengalami hal-hal saat sulit. Banyak dari kita yang ternyata sangat keras dan tidak ramah pada diri sendiri. Ketimbang menerima keadaan, kita mencoba mengabaikan rasa sakit atau sedih atau, terlalu keras melecut diri kita atas satu kegagalan. Orang yang self-criticsm juga mencoba untuk melupakan rasa duka akibat masalah yang mereka rasakan. Padahal, seringkali cara ini tidak menguntungkan karena kita cenderung menjadi jengkel dan kesal yang berujung depresi dan frustrasi. Dengan self-compassion, kita mengakui bahwa kita tidak sempurna, sekali-sekali bisa gagal juga, dan dapat menerima bahwa kesulitan hidup kadang sesuatu yang tidak bisa kita hindari.

Self-compassion memberikan pandangan bahwa kegagalan dan masalah adalah hal yang lumrah sebagai manusia. We are a common human. Kegagalan atau kesalahan adalah sesuatu yang manusiawi. Rasa frustrasi yang hadir ketika kita tidak memperoleh yang kita inginkan seringkali diikuti dengan rasa terisolasi yang tinggi. Seolah-olah hanya kita lah orang yang menderita, yang gagal, yang kurang atau yang berbuat salah. Padahal semua orang juga pernah mengalami hal serupa: masa-masa sulit, apapun bentuknya itu. Siapa pun dari kita pada dasarnya tidak sempurna dan rapuh atas masalah.

Elemen mindfulness dari self-compassion memberi kita kesadaran yang memampukan kita menyeimbangkan emosi negatif: sehingga yang kita tak perlu menolak atau mengabaikan, tapi juga tidak begitu memikirkannya sehingga membuat kita tertekan. Mindfulness memberikan keseimbangan yang kita perlukan sehingga masalah yang kita hadapi tak perlu membuat kita merasa tenggelam atau meratapi nasib berlama-lama. Kita dapat lakukan ini dengan proses menghubungkan derita kita dengan pengalaman buruk orang lain, dan melihat situasi kita dalam perspektif yang lebih luas. Ini dapat menggiring kita pada respon yang lebih menenangkan, seperti ?Ya memang ini kenyataan sulit yang harus saya hadapi. Tapi tidak sedikit juga orang lain mengalami hal yang sama. Bahkan mungkin lebih berat atau lebih banyak. Tidak pantas untuk berlarut-larut dalam kesedihan?

Perasaan yang terlalu menyalahkan diri sendiri hanya membuat kita menarik diri dan seakan-akan terbungkus dengan masalah kita sendiri. Mindfulness sebagai bagian dari self-compassion dapat membebaskan kita dari perasaan terisolasi dengan lingkungan kita seperti ini. Karena ia merupakan kondisi pikiran yang bersifat menerima keadaan dan tidak menyalahkan, membantu kita secara terbuka mengamati dengan jelas pikiran dan emosi kita. Ia ?mencegah kita untuk ?over-identified? dengan pikiran dan perasaan tertentu sehingga kita tidak terperangkap oleh perasaan negatif.

Post Author: Taufiq Amir

Head of Management Program – Faculty of Economics and Social Science – Bakrie University I am passionate about teaching, researching and training.

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